Autodieography

– visiting dead uncles still attached by technology, distancing yet listening, detached from my mom’s oncology –

This unruly universe has a razor on which its decisions are made. Sometimes it chooses a sudden, delicate yet brash conception that wails into this world hungry, wet and magnificent, other times it’s a quick and brutal plucking of our family from our unwitting grips, leaving us humble, dizzy and vengeful.

We succeed. We own. We lose. We teach. We work. We enjoy. We die. 

There is no reasoning with a razor, only the awareness that such an edge exists. Like a horse not quite broken or a lover not yet trusted, its natural action is one that somehow always makes sense regardless of its seeming indifference. 

Sick and Riveted

It’s going to burn hard and swift, be action-packed with sex, art and violence then suddenly conclude leaving nothing but dizziness and a beautifully fed brain.

Pure minds and filthy intention, summer’s ensanguined appearance has left me longing for languid days of sloth peppered with moments of heart-smashing adrenaline. Instead of the other way around.

You’ll eventually have a fleeting moment with some guy which will be so insanely intense that it will be all you can do to just hang on and watch the scenery blur by. Naturally, it will eventually dissipate and a rift will be defined by both covert and obvious differences between you two. Fortunately, not before you see the beautifully new and wonderful things that compose the world all the while keeping the boy in check. You’re going to learn more about yourself than you ever thought possible, realize the intricate flaws of men and their pure desire to please the whims of women, you’ll glean a strange and wonderful experience from someone who won’t twist you out or wreck your spirit. Despite being furious and quick, it will be a most memorable trip.

It will turn your youth into a dirty year in a matter of seconds, reveal your sweet, vile desire and exploit your every inch of skin as if it were a forbidden land being crossed by a sick and riveted conquistador.

Men And The Friends They’re Glad They Have

Keep thinking the dog is right around the corner as it then occurs to me that I’m alone in my apartment and no one else is here, or was waiting for me, or coming home, or walking around the corner. Lifestyle changes are wonderful but can also be tremendously difficult, changing a Lifestyles is even tougher due to the spermicide and the whatnot of the thingajiggy. Being lonely is similar to being alone, but with much more time to think about events, people, choices one’s made all good and bad. Vastly more space for the swallowing and digesting of the pills for our ills, without delay or distraction. No one nearby to offer suggestions or delusions. When a young buck becomes an old dog overnight the days now come even faster so each moment better be savored for every sweet morsel they are.

Waitaminute. We’re still talking about the dog…

2 Rules And The Best Decision Ever

When I was in my 20’s I had a factory job. It was in a dusty, dank, endless warehouse of conveyers stacked to the ceiling and open concrete spaces where trucks and package cars would pull in and out, like bugs back to the hive and away again.

I used to hump heavy boxes, loading and unloading trailers from top to bottom, throwing them on a belt and watching them disappear. After graduating from loading I became a damaged goods clerk (how fitting) and became privy to many of the contents that civilians and corporations ship alongside each other across the nation or the world. Oh the stories! Tales of the unimaginable that I’m wary to share in certain company, let alone be posted in cyberland for as long as we have electricity.

The other damage clerks were mostly women, older mom types, some were slightly wild, some were weird and narrow minded, but one thing was understood: They were tough, blue collar broads.

One day I awoke and looked around and realized that my life just wasn’t interesting enough so I decided to date a girl from work, and she soon filled a position in my department.

When I am confident in an environment I will be slightly wild, weird, and instead of narrow minded, my mouth tends to rattle a bit. All sorts of strange stuff sometimes falls out so this job taught me 2 things:

1) Dating someone you work with may work out as great as you thought, and 2) jokingly saying you’d bring a gun to work to a paranoid, blabbermouth, neglected wife may not be as great for work as you thought.

That day, my girlfriend stressed me out and I happen to accidentally put a box through one of the company windows.

Let the record show that I DID NOT intentionally put a package through the window. I did, however, chuck that sumbitch ‘cross the room like a Romanian shot putter and it just happened to go through the window. And I would never bring a gun to work. Possibly to the store, though…I kid, I kid. (See? something as silly as that statement, man, you’d think I learned!) Seriously, none of the guns at my house are mine, anyway.

It’s called Peaceful Pistol. It’s not called Weird Introvert Writes Things That Need To Be Red Flagged By The Government.

Back to the story: I was then reprimanded, assessed and notified that I was either to have a psychiatric examination or be terminated so I wisely chose the termination. I spent 5 years there working, aching, drinking and carousing in a grimy factory on an island. I almost became a lifer where work, bitching, pension and death would have been all planned out for the next 30 years.

Collective “Whew,” from both the company and I.