Jiggers, April Freshness, Dead Legends

I am happy to report that both a jigger of gin and a jigger of whiskey contain little more than 100 calories each and zero fat, carbohydrates or any other venomous verboten items that dieters dread. Beer, on the other hand, a bit of a different story.

There are fewer smells in this world better than the ones that come out of dryer vents from laundry rooms. When the cottony aroma of fresh fabric softeners and soaps emanate into the street in warm jets of steam, it brings me back to a life I never had. The idyllic television commercial where kids run underneath and through bright, flowing laundry hanging on lines in blue-sky backyards, interesting how smells can even trigger beautiful memories you never lived.

With the advent of hands-free gadgetry for cellular phones, it is now perfectly acceptable to mutter strange and incoherent ramblings to yourself while in public.

When asked how he managed such a long and healthy lifestyle, Jack laLanne mentions “Clean thoughts and dirty girls.” What a cool guy. He hadn’t been a 98 pound weakling for 80 years. Rest well, sir. You too, Nate Dogg.


I’ll Meet You In Havana

I said that to a friend of mine and I meant it.

I have another friend in BC who is giving me a small bankroll to burn for him on one of the most beautiful islands in the world. I’m going to ask for a passport stamp way on the back page. I’m going to a place where time has stopped since Kennedy wasn’t so fashionable and where a 1949 Buick in 2011 is more common than you’d think. Going to spend 10 days on a stretch of land where the people are warm and finding the perfect sandwich Cubano will be the only determination in my soul.

Downtown Lunch

This guy next to me is crazy. I’m waiting for my cheesy, veggie Italian sandwich and this guy next to me keeps fidgeting and mumbling something I’m trying but unable to understand.

Sitting in a sweet gem of a lunch spot I’m dreaming of rolling around on the ground with Mozzarella on Focaccia, torrid and teasing then sealing the deal with coffee in the morning.

Back to crazy guy. While we’re sitting next to each other on cheap, plastic chairs, he begins to, I kid you not, start to take off his coat and then his shirt until I’m waiting for my lunch next to a fat crazy man with no shirt on. I couldn’t help but get up and distance myself from whatever might happen next so I stand a few feet away, silently smiling but keeping my eye on him. And an eye out for my sandwich. He seems like a harmless enough guy but I’ve seen survellience footage on those TV video shows that catch regular people going violently nuts on other people just waiting for sandwiches. That stuff really happens! 

The restaurant staff begin to peer over the tall counter and I can tell they’re waiting to figure out who gets to come out and talk to crazy guy and tell him to either put his clothes back on or hit the road. Poor sandwich makers. It’s tough to have to deal with people who are obviously on a different planet, I make my living by pouring alcohol delivery systems so I know all about nice folks and distorted perceptions. Still doesn’t make me any less wary of those who sit in sandwich joints with sweaty man-boobs muttering garbled soliloquies.

They call my name and not unlike when I’m at the DMV when my number is up, I hop to with a grin, grab my grub and make for the door. I love downtown and those who color the day with their beautiful insanity. Hope the shirt finally went back on and those making such great lunches weren’t too put off by the big fellow. Who knows, he might’ve been having prosciutto withdrawals. Everyone knows how a delicious sandwich can reduce anyone to a blithering  fool if they’re not timely fed.

8.9 Reasons To Run Inland

Back a few (quite a few) years ago, I saw a documentary about the Ring of Fire on a massive IMAX movie screen and was quite amazed at the sheer beauty and power this world displays on a daily basis. But sometimes with awe and amazement come violent outbursts and sudden destruction that changes the lives of people forever in a completely different way.