Sometimes what we consider to be flawed or what oughta be discarded reveal themselves to be something quite unique and magical. Was going to throw this one out until someone said it was wonderful.
I never was much of a planner. More of an actor, a fool or a farce in a pair of pants. After much thought and long nights pining over fear and consequences, I’ve decided to wing it and write and take pictures and not worry what I do for a living. “For a living” sounds so practical, so pedestrian, things I’ve never quite been, but to give up a job that literally pays my rent to follow a passion is a frightening maneuver. Apparently if I’m not scared or uneasy about life then I’m just going through mundane motions.
If my integrity is at stake and a gig just ain’t fun anymore, then it’s time to move along, and if Januarys keep appearing and I’m still not living the dreams I’ve always had, then it’s time to damn some torpedoes and release them hounds.
This economy is booming for a ton of people. Albeit, the so-called recession has left in its wake a pile of unemployment and overall despair but there are still plenty of people doing just fine. Just because you may have earned more yesterday that you are today doesn’t mean that you’re hurting. Just less luxury, you fortunate bastard. 1 ply toilet paper and generic brand shampoo ain’t gonna kill nobody. Living lean takes mental preparation, making lists of items and services you can live without, trimming the bills and behavior down to a bare minimum in order to survive on crumbs and the grunions at the bottom of the bag.
So I’m going to quit one of my bartending jobs and concentrate on what doing what I love. I’m scared to death but also completely excited. No business plan, no model, no clear idea of how I’m going to go about it but I’m more afraid of continuing to work a job that compromises my ethics and talent than not making rent. Though the rent is definitely weighing on my shoulders, I just moved into this nice apartment and it would be a shame to be out on my bum, being a bum. But I gotta do it. I have to try because not trying is terribly worse than never knowing if I had.
Spending time with two families from both sides of my blood roots, the two best families a boy could ever ask for, two days of holidays and a couple silly gifts made both faces of my gemini tiger shine the widest smiles ever.