The Word “Like”

You brain damaged fad monkeys, inept abusers of the English language, is it any wonder our debaters and orators are mocked on a universal scale? If I count how many times the word “like” is inserted into any 2 minute conversation with any random person it would take more fingers on all my hands and I still wouldn’t have enough to wrap around their esophagusus. Esophagoosis? Esophagi?

“I was, like, standing there like, are you serious? She was like, totally oblivious that I was like, wanting to talk to her.” The word “like” was pointlessly used four times. Four reasons I should swing around a ball gag in front of these brainiacs.

It parallels the current social trend of cell phone conversations that truly accomplish nothing at all, randomly made for no good reason other than to update a friend on NOTHING AT ALL. No plan devised or date made, no pertinent information passed or ideas shared, just a stupid, blathering communication occurring solely because it can and VH1 is on commercial break.

So when these two conversational hellholes coincide before me I feel like a swarthy dragonslayer, draped in chain mail, filthy with violence beneath a horned helmet. When a grown adult is saying the word “like” a thousand times like a middle school tweenybopper in sentences puked through a senseless mobile phone, I draw my broad sword and with the power of grayskull I drop that blade like god’s glorious guillotine down on their idiot neck.

Except I realize that I’m at the kwik-e-mart and my propeller beanie ain’t no medieval headwear and this ice cream sandwich sure ain’t no weapon of barbarians.

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2 responses to “The Word “Like”

  1. You’re completely right. Most coversations people have are useless and nowadays most people email or send a text message.

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