Divorce: The New Marriage

Love at first sight? Marriage at second glance? Third time’s a charm?

Attorneys are hired to divide the property with a miserable schedule of doling out monies for months until it’s finalized and the bitter moment realizing that forgiveness means not condoning what has been done but abandoning the right for vengeance by the same coin. Bishop Tutu said that last part. I say the whole things smacks of doom and it scares me to death.

I’ve grown up a lot since the days of fleeting girlfriends and unknown phone numbers scrawled on palms and I’ve noticed that as I grow, more people I know are now married. Well, actually, divorced.

Of course, the question isn’t whether or not their marriages were impetuous or carefully considered, ill conceived or perfectly planned. It is, rather, about whether or not those elements have anything to do with why very few people last more than 3 years in holy matrimony. Wonder if we’ll ever know.

Nearly everyone I know to be married has eventually divorced. The exceptions however, are glorious and I’m envious of their ability to overcome and persevere through whatever turmoil that may rise between them so they can enjoy the best things about life together.

It’s become a running tally on when happiness is truly found between two human beings and apparently it’s around marriage #3.

Most of us reach a point in life where we start feeling the need to fall into a mold, a plan or template of some “big picture”. And isn’t it curious that such a desire usually develops when things are going just fine? There is hardly a need to take a relationship to the next level when belongings are being dropped from a second story window or when telephones are being thrown against walls. No one wants to “grow as a couple” or “plan for the future” when fidelity, sexual acumen or financial viability is being questioned.

Only when things are peachy is when the relationship gets retooled. I’ve always been taught not to fix things when things aren’t broken. Primarily because I’m far better at breaking than fixing so when things are running smooth, I’ve no business monkeying around. Maintenance, on the other hand, is something integral to anything or anyone that you wish to amicably coexist with so upgrading the level of a relationship isn’t always such a bad idea. Especially when subconsciously following your peers. But for me none of it sounds quite right. Keeping up with weddings and baby showers is something best left up to those with ambitious social lives. Ambition I’m afraid I don’t possess.

Once again, I’m on the fence about something I know nothing about yet as I write this the answers I seek are surely before me.


5 responses to “Divorce: The New Marriage

  1. Once again, I’m on the fence about something I know nothing about yet as I write this the answers I seek are surely before me.:

    But for me none of it sounds quite right.

    Trust your instincts.

  2. Divorce, Marriage.

    This s a topic best left to dead philosophers.

    Willingness to compromise and unwillingness to compromise. That should be the subject title.

    I would say more but there is too much! Way too much!

    REID! I love you man! Would you marry me?!?!?!?!

  3. Marriage shouldn’t change the relationship. You still have to want to be together every day. You still have to want to make the other person happier than you want to make yourself. If things get dicey, you work to make it right. Sometimes, people change too much and can’t live together anymore. It happens.
    Follow your heart as they say, just make sure your brain is along for the ride.

  4. Hearts and brains rarely coincide but I completely understand your philosophy, Tesa. The problem with dead philosophers is that they’re…dead. Dead because their questions too grand or the time that it takes to answer their questions too long? Any encouragement is well received and since everyone has their method of success, marriage remains one of those subjects best left to those who’ve been around when candy bars were a nickel.

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