When did shaving become a small investment? $15 for replacement (disposable) razors? Are they insane? They even have them behind a glass case so those with scruff and a volatile mind don’t just stuff a handful of the spendy little bastards down their pants and high tail it out to the wife whose waiting with the motor running.
I love how supermarkets are SUPER. Giant, formidable structures with sprawling ceilings and endless shelves packaged retail and racks of tabloids about fat, skinny, jealous and cheating celebrities. There is a “family friendly” checkout line where there isn’t a tabloid anywhere near it so children don’t see the Reader’s Digest asking “Is Your Child Sexting?” Thank goodness.
Why do girls with big butts insist on wearing pants that not only accentuate but literally advertise their over-juggly posterior? How can one not stare? There is such a big butt that is toned and structurally sound as a stand-alone part of the body that delivers curvy licentiousness but the ones in my neighborhood are jiggling masses of dimples and rolls wrapped in stretch pants or pajama bottoms. Nothing quite like late night cankles thrusting beneath pj’s and onto suffering flip-flops trudging down the Nestle aisle. Maybe property value has a direct relationship with the intensity and solidity of womens’ behinds.
Who started the first bank? Who thought of the idea of having someone leave their money in a building so said money would then be lent to someone else? And then reaping a percentage? Smart fellas, those bankers.
Fog lights. If you have them (they’re the two extra headlights usually just below your regular headlights) and it’s foggy, awesome for you. Crank ’em, I’m all for it. Safety first. But if it’s a normal night, no rain or anything inclement, turn them off because your sizzling xenon ultraviolet terminator headlights are quite enough, you SUV-driving-never-ever-once-put-it-in-4-wheel-drive-you-product-pandering-suburban-monkey, you.
Don’t get me started on turn signals. I drove through California a few years ago and I swear the cars down there just aren’t equipped with them. They got horns though, so who needs little blinky lights?
Are there white people who seriously think that the blacks in America aren’t still being screwed? Wait, don’t answer that.
I have my first job interview tomorrow for a job I would absolutely covet. I’m nervous but confident, anxious but ready, scared but cool.
Writing is coming at a tougher draw, the stress of finding work is brimming beneath my collar and I’m finding myself escaping with alcohol and hobbies. Yes, hobbies.
Next time someone mentions the weather as a subject of conversation I’m going to reply with something completely fabricated and absolutely heinous like “I just remembered that as a kid I was touched by my scoutmaster,” or “I had my first nocturnal emission this morning.” No one cares that it’s going to be sunny for the next few days but if someone tells you that their father just went to jail for putting bombs under bums then you have a conversation.
Hugs not drugs. Arms are for hugging. Leave the bombs to professionals.