Saving The Environment Is Ugly

Barracuda, Fury, Comet. Yeah.

Yaris. Prius. Insight. Huh?

Oh, how times change.

Why do green cars have to look so, well, green? (green = ugly) Just because I’m conscious of the environment means I have to tool around town in a car that advertises that I’m a tool of my environment? My dream is to have a monstrous V8 with dual carbs and a 10-foot hood whose low rumble shakes little boys’ little knees and makes little girls almost cry. And have it all run on french fry oil or some cow turd-diesel. Good for the earth and fun as all get out.

Ever see someone having fun driving a hybrid? Looking content and feeling self-satisfied is one thing, but to be able to lurch the front end of a car nearly off the ground while waiting for the red light to turn is terribly FUN. Is there any way we can get one of those that runs on a bio-fuel with exhaust that smells like cinnamon rolls or something?

Today’s enviro-cars are so ridiculously unsightly I’m surprised there isn’t a  manufacturer’s rebate for rolling such ugly, lifeless little cars off the assembly line. If this were a playground these dainty things would get you pummeled dearly.

Why does being green mean having no style? Why can’t people save the earth while packing some semblance of courage or individuality, a brash sense of self that has a backbone, a toughness that actually makes us closer to the dust and grime of this big blue marble?

Thus making us more “earthy”.

I can only beseech the car gods to someday make the roads full of steel and chrome once again, fueled by plastic bags or those little six-pack thingies because if we can land stupid little remote control cars on Mars, this oughta be a cinch. You’d think.


4 responses to “Saving The Environment Is Ugly

  1. …which leaves us with motorcycles! Looking at Buells on Craigslist….most of the above, less the 10 ft hood…besides, I work for one of those E-E-E-vil oil companies…gotta do something. My fiancee has declared she won’t ride motorbikes when she gets to the US…”too danger..” she says. Odd, coming from a girl perfectly at home in Monday morning HCMC traffic on a Vespa.

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