There Is A Hair On My Bug

Ever find a fingernail in a hot dog? In between the meat the bun, just sitting there like a little sliced onion?

What about a band-aid? Ever see one of those poking out from underneath a pile of French fries?

Cigarette butt in a salad?

Hair is a pretty big no-no when it comes to “Objects Being Found On My Plate Of Food At A Restaurant.” I think I’d rather find an old Pall Mall than someone’s hair, organic human or animal products (that aren’t seared or marinated) are monumentally nauseating.

Insects, on the other hand, need their own big paragraph. I once found an earwig in my Chinese food in Portland, Oregon but as far as bugs being in my food, I can understand how it happens. Not saying that it’s right, just understandable. Bugs are everywhere and you could even argue that your salad would be considered ultimately fresh if it had a few bugs in it. Additionally, Americans are nearly the only people on earth who don’t eat bugs as a delicacy or seasoning or appetizer, it’s a global consensus that bugs ain’t so bad. So for every time someone finds a caterpillar or worm in their food, there is someone fishing out a condom or short curly hair out of their spaghetti or calamari wishing they would have just stayed home that night.

Eating out is a luxury and privilege that many don’t have, but with the ability to pay someone to make your food comes the ignorance of origin. That’s the gamble with opulence, just because you’re spending money doesn’t mean you know what’s going on. Just ask these brilliant individuals.

All I know is that I won’t be eating at the hardware store hot dog stand anytime soon.

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