Phone Me Home

The film “2010” was the sequel to Arthur C. Clarke and Stanley Kubrick’s heroic classic “2001: A Space Odyssey”. The actual year 2010 is a little over a year away and I don’t see one commuter on a jet-pack. Not one. I don’t see any colonies on the moon or sky traffic, or transporters or pushbutton meals. All I see are a bunch of cell phones and people glued to the internet (heh heh) and the same old cars, elevators, lines at the checkout stand and police issue revolvers. I mean Glocks. No ray guns, no starships, no alien invaders or alien visitors. No astral Mayflower with persecuted ET’s looking for a better life with only diseased blankets to offer us. We have laser beams but all they do is retina damage and are really worthless without a following bullet. No talking computers or truly self driving cars, man, it’s almost 2010 for god’s sake. This is the future. For my entire life this was the future, sliding doors and cool sound effects, hover cars and 6 breasted non carbon-based life forms. How are we supposed to build shopping malls on the moons of Jupiter when we’re busy fiddling around with civil war re-enactments and coveting relics like pentium processors? This is the 21st century, an advanced human civilization, a new millennium, Y2FK, this is supposed to be either a technologically perfect utopia or dystopian post-apocalyptic wasteland. People are either all svelte in white, shiny jumpsuits or all filthy, ragged and killing each other for gasoline.

I still see tea kettles and denim jackets, console televisions and dirty buses, film cameras and tape decks, home phones and some people even get out of their cars to open their garage. Barbarians. Then, as soon as I think that we still have the ability to expand the human legacy through technology and wisdom, I see automobiles like this and folks like this.

Dare I say this future ain’t looking so good.

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5 responses to “Phone Me Home

  1. I remember it was always “in the year 2000.” I think Conan O’brien actually had a little piece on his show called “In the year 2000.” But when I was little we always wrote our stories about the future based on the year 2000, and we were totally living in space by then. What a disappointment that the year 2000 found me driving 1993 Plymouth Laser (pleasant Irony) around Fayetteville, NC.

  2. Conan still does the bit, even now it’s still called “in the year 2000.” We’re a long way off but I remember the TV show was “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century” so that gives us more time to one day have midget robot butlers and all women squeezed in spandex like Wilma.

    “1993 Plymouth Laser” Woe is you, man, that’s hilarious.

  3. A friend said to me the other day, Wow! I can’t believe he’s two and a half already!

    It’s weird seeing children grow up so fast.

    Things happen faster when you look back then when you look forward. When you think ahead 18 years, you go wow! that’s a long time form now, so much could happen. When you look back on 18 years, you think wow! where did all the time go?

  4. It does go by quick. All the more reason to do the stuff you want, nothing worse than looking back with a bunch a “shoulda’s” hanging over you. It happens all the time.

  5. “No astral Mayflower with persecuted ET’s looking for a better life with only diseased blankets to offer us.”

    Some things you write are just plain cute.

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