Coat Me With Your Candy

When do you censor yourself? Every day, I imagine. Every interaction with someone who deserves your honest opinion but instead gets a polite alternative is a moment either wasted in space or a conversation marred by cowardice . That evasive smile and innocent shrug. I’ve lived much of my life telling people what they want to hear instead of sticking up for what I think I need.

This is new-found strength is due to a recent and steady diet of Rollins, Hedberg and Garafalo.

I will not say “you’re not overweight”, no longer will I proclaim “this tastes good”, or “yes, I’ll stay and work late, tonight.” No more cowering behind being nice, I’m going to start saying  what I really mean. There is an enormous freedom and power in saying what you think.

Now the key is saying what you think without being a jerk. “Many guys love curves. I’ve never had meat loaf quite like this before. I can’t stay late tonight but with notice, it shouldn’t be a problem in the future.” Regardless of wanting a rib cage sticking out of your lover, or a 5-course gourmet meal, or if your after-work plans involves filling up your belly button with tortilla crumbs while watching the game, you can still say what you mean without saying it mean.

And that’s a science Sagan won’t show you. Mainly because he’s not living anymore.


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